Mother’s Day

Yesterday is a Mother’s day. I was not in a good mood this weekend.

This is all my fault, which i blame it on others to take the fault. The worst part is, i put my anger on my mum. How derhaka i am, like Afiq said. The words really stabbed me. Coming from him makes me feel ashame. I should knew that from the very beginning. Yes, I knew it but I ignore my faith about the Heaven is under a Mother’s feet. I was carried away with my emotional without thinking on how my mom will feel. I just dont care at that time. I was to angry. Satan has overpowered my emotional and ego.

Mother,

I never had any niat to do that. I was so angry. I am in a stress mood this weekend. I dont want to tell u how stress I am with my performance in class, my results which is dropping one by one. I dont want u to be worried about me but mother..who else should i share my problems besides u? U’re the most trusted and understanding person in my life.

Mother,

Remember when I replied rudely when u didnt give me the permission to go to Cherating? You said I was running away form my problems, like I used to. Yes, I am. I replied. Because its too hard for me to let others knowing me, understanding my problems. I just need my own time, my own space to settle it all alone. You said I was wrong, but at that moment I just cant accept any blame. I need someone to comfort me, someone to be with me. You’re all leaving me alone at house. Thinking back, maybe dad thought I was tired. Its wrong, the most important thing I wanna do is be with all of you, my family. Yes, we had a miscommunication. There’s too much maybe and probability without confronting it to each other. This is the result, I am mad on my own.

Mother,

You knew how stress I am with my previous relationship. You said it was a test from God. Do you know, I only tell you my true feelings? How I felt after this broke up. No one knew. My expectation was high. Yes, you comfort me well enough when we had lunch at KLCC. But mother, I want more. I dont have anybody to talk to except you. Yes, i was jealous with the other siblings when they get the attention more than you gave to me. I tried to “mengalah”. I know, im the eldest. You and daddy had give the fullest attention to me, I cant deny that. Maybe, because ive been getting the more than enough attention before and I tend to want the same or more attention from u guys. Which now i realize its wrong. I should be independent. Afiq told me, you dah besar byha, act like one. Syafiq also mention that no matter what, I should not act like dis to my mother. I regret it mother, I am.

Mother, I love you alot. Please Forgive me. But I just need time to forgive myself back. I am grateful that God has given you as my mum. A patient mum and indeed the most understandable mom. You’re my mother and bestfriend.

Happy Mothers day, MAMA.

Lots of luv,

ur daughter <3