Ramadhan al-mubarak

Ramadhan has come. I am so excited for it. I pledge to change myself to be a better person. Change what is bad and improve more and more. On the first ramadhan, I told my mom I want to change. I am willing to be a better person and find the blessing of God. Suddenly she kissed me! I was surprised, she told me how happy she is. Now i wonder, am I too naughty or always makes her worry? But at the same time Im glad I’ve make her happy and smile. 

Ya Allah, in the month of ramdhan.. I pay that all the Muslims in this world will be blessed by You and let us race in doing good deeds in this month, iAllah…

                                      

LONDON

 

i love him!

One month passes already, and only now i get the opportunity to write it out.. sighhh..

 

 

Anyway, i really enjoyed my stay there!! it was a great holiday, full of happiness and sakit kaki,haha..giler penat jalan from one spot to the other.. believe me, if it wasn’t london i would never walk like that.. well, in Msia the weather was hot whereas at London,it was windy and quite cold during the night. But dont be deceived by the windy weather, the sun stills burn my face!! gosh,im so tanned now!! and surprisingly, i kindda eat alot over there!!! cause busu Ilah’s cooking was not that bad at all!! sedap la gak so i end up, blk2 msia gemok!! dah la gemok hitam plak muka,hahaha..mcm g hawaii..

i just dont care bout dat anymore,as long as im happy wif my holiday!!! but honestly, 2 weeks were not enough!!! nak g London blk pls pls..nak cuti, x nk tggal sana for real though.. duit sana sgt best and da shopping spree jgn ckp la!! mmg syurga dunia.. dats wat my mom dont like about London and been telling me too.. ” you can go to London for holiday but dont stay there too long, there’s no Azan, no Jema’ah, no Islamic classes around the neighborhood and etc etc”, which is so TRUE!! moreover, i still feel that im not strong enough to handle all sorts of “dugaan dunia”!! seriously,im not!! kecewakan? mmg sedih,tp itulah hakikatnya.. 

There are lots of things i learn from my holiday there. My eyes are open wide with the culture at London, the arabs muslim which in my opinion does not really practice Islamic value, even the Malay people living at London or are having holiday just like me was quiet sombong. Most of them didnt even smile at me. I was quite upset with some of the Malaysian as I was traveling alone all the time. Ha, one more thing. I was proud with myself too, though i was traveling alone, i knew God was with me.. i didnt get lost at all

there are other niat i went to London, to find “someone”..hehe, but i guess dat particular  someone was not from London kot, cz back in Malaysia.. i found one (hehe, lets save da story for the next entry).. and there’s other Niat too. which is too forget my pass so call Love life and move on!! i guess I did it!! but if im the only one who can forget bout the past and move on but the other side is still clinging, this wont work out kan!! marah ni, bcz its my life and i wont be disturbed by this stupid emotional thingy.. i know its hard but move on la, im bored already!! yes im being MEAN! so what.. im leaving,buhbye!! 

what makes it a great holiday was my bestfriend, Anisah is coming to London on my last week there. Actually, the plan was both of us will be on the same flight, but suddenly her exam schedule got mixed up and she cant make it with me. That’s why i was traveling alone first, and later i met her. Yes, we had lots of fun. Lg2 kat Brighton Beach. Mana x sun-burn muka,hehe.. but it was worth it, everything was worth it. Im so thankful to God for granting me the best ever dad on earth, tanx dad.. im proud to be ur daughter..cant u see im bringing ur name everywhere i go…

 

Lastly, i seriously nak pegi London lg!! and i rily enjoyed my stay there..Lots of fun and leaving my emo-guilty feeling left there was worth it. Now, im back in Msia, yes i miss london but this is where i belong..Malaysia,my home sweet home..

 

i love him!

Mother’s Day

Yesterday is a Mother’s day. I was not in a good mood this weekend.

This is all my fault, which i blame it on others to take the fault. The worst part is, i put my anger on my mum. How derhaka i am, like Afiq said. The words really stabbed me. Coming from him makes me feel ashame. I should knew that from the very beginning. Yes, I knew it but I ignore my faith about the Heaven is under a Mother’s feet. I was carried away with my emotional without thinking on how my mom will feel. I just dont care at that time. I was to angry. Satan has overpowered my emotional and ego.

Mother,

I never had any niat to do that. I was so angry. I am in a stress mood this weekend. I dont want to tell u how stress I am with my performance in class, my results which is dropping one by one. I dont want u to be worried about me but mother..who else should i share my problems besides u? U’re the most trusted and understanding person in my life.

Mother,

Remember when I replied rudely when u didnt give me the permission to go to Cherating? You said I was running away form my problems, like I used to. Yes, I am. I replied. Because its too hard for me to let others knowing me, understanding my problems. I just need my own time, my own space to settle it all alone. You said I was wrong, but at that moment I just cant accept any blame. I need someone to comfort me, someone to be with me. You’re all leaving me alone at house. Thinking back, maybe dad thought I was tired. Its wrong, the most important thing I wanna do is be with all of you, my family. Yes, we had a miscommunication. There’s too much maybe and probability without confronting it to each other. This is the result, I am mad on my own.

Mother,

You knew how stress I am with my previous relationship. You said it was a test from God. Do you know, I only tell you my true feelings? How I felt after this broke up. No one knew. My expectation was high. Yes, you comfort me well enough when we had lunch at KLCC. But mother, I want more. I dont have anybody to talk to except you. Yes, i was jealous with the other siblings when they get the attention more than you gave to me. I tried to “mengalah”. I know, im the eldest. You and daddy had give the fullest attention to me, I cant deny that. Maybe, because ive been getting the more than enough attention before and I tend to want the same or more attention from u guys. Which now i realize its wrong. I should be independent. Afiq told me, you dah besar byha, act like one. Syafiq also mention that no matter what, I should not act like dis to my mother. I regret it mother, I am.

Mother, I love you alot. Please Forgive me. But I just need time to forgive myself back. I am grateful that God has given you as my mum. A patient mum and indeed the most understandable mom. You’re my mother and bestfriend.

Happy Mothers day, MAMA.

Lots of luv,

ur daughter <3